There are a lot of great Abbott and Costello movies out there. Almost everyone has probably read about Abbott and Costello movies on the internet or possibly have heard about Abbott and Costello movies from old folks. But did you know that there are also a lot of Abbott and Costello movies that were never released? So, why weren’t the movies on our list ever released to movie theaters and the general public? Well, it is a well known fact that Abbott and Costello were compulsive perfectionists and it is speculated by film historians that each of these films contained a flaw too great for the famous comedy duo to endure. Usually the ‘flaw’ was something like a misbehaving trained animal or a slightly unrealistic special effect. In one film entitled “Abbott and Costello Meet Colonel Sanders”, an off-screen chicken clucked during a pivotal scene in the movie prompting Bud Abbott to halt the entire production and to swear off ever “working with a goddamned chicken again”. Well, on to the list. Enjoy!
14. Abbott and Costello Meet the Gypsies
An interesting Abbott and Costello movie, interesting in that only one percent of the film’s running time of 98 minutes has Abbott or Costello in it. My favorite scene is when a Gypsy captures a cat and throws it at Costello. Costello, obviously “in the cups” kissed the cat tenderly for an inappropriate amount of time(24 seconds!)
13. Abbott and Costello Meet a Glowing Orb
This movie is really whimsical. The orb which at first appears frightening to the wise cracking duo, quickly gains their trust by helping them win big at the horse track. The special effects used to render the magical Orb’s shimmery appearance are something to behold. Nobody in Hollywood at the time had any idea that irradiated fruit bats could be used for such amazing special effects.
12. Abbott and Costello Meet Colonel Sanders
A chicken exploitation film full of vulgarity and chicken put downs. My favorite scene is when the Colonel introduces the boys to the chicken be header. The look on Costello’s face is priceless as he vomits bourbon all over the machine.
11. Abbott and Costello Meet the Slime Creature
This film is an interesting glimpse into the extraterrestrial world. The Slime Creature came from another world and had Abbott and Costello on the edge. On the edge of hilarity!
10. Hitler Ho!
The duo poses as SS storm troopers with a secret mission to kill Hitler. They didn’t count on a pesky animated mouse with a nose for news.
9. Abbott and Costello Meet the Van Allen Belt
Hilarity ensues as the boys become irradiated as they travel to the moon. Mission Control has other ideas and the glowing duo are forced to come back to earth. The decontamination scene is the best where Costello vomits a glowing green martini all over the Geiger counter.
8. The Moon Men vs. Abbott and Costello
The “Moon Men” depicted in the film are actually humans disguised as Moon Men. A real Moon Man has not been captured as of the date of writing. Also, Neil Armstrong said “Moon Men were everywhere but that’s not my business. My business is flying a lunar module. So what if they throw rocks at us? It does not matter to me or Buzz or the other fella flying the orbiter! All I can say is, I tried to net one of them but they are too fast, covered with moon-dust, impossible to grab. They have very large eyes and emit an eerie glow.”
7. Abbott and Costello Enter the Cat’s Cradle
This is a strange one. The duo fall into an abyss of strings and are forced to walk over Jacob’s ladder, avoid Yo-Yo’s and their annoying owners and finally enter the Cat’s Cradle with uproarious consequences.
6. The Speedwagon and Abbott and Costello
The fellas decide to buy an old roadster. Costello happens to know a lot about cars and Abbott happens to know a lot about racing tracks. Of course, as per usual, the car explodes. The explosion destroyed a nearby church and scorched a wide swath of land.
5. The Swinging Axe of Death Meets Abbott and Costello
The large mechanical axe swings to and fro threatening certain death upon anyone who dares come into its mighty arc of damage. Enter Abbott and Costello. Not only do they pass through the “arc of death”, they conquer it making it into a bourbon distillery.
4. Abbott and Costello and “The sewage incident”
It is no secret that Costello was an avid pyrotechnics hobbyist. I mean come on, he had his first wedding on top of an old ammo dump where one German made mine went off towards the end of the ceremony, the Pastor kept all of his fingers but lost his larynx. No longer will the good pastor’s words be heard, instead they will be read by his wife, who incidentally lost a leg in the same incident. After the wedding ceremony, Costello took his new bride to a sewage treatment plant, took out a .44 and shot a large hole into a sewage pipe. As the sewage spewed forth Costello danced the jig of a happy man, he mimed the playing of the Pipes of Pan, his notes rung out with the utmost clarity. Why did he play his Recorder at that time? The stench was horrible but the man loved his music and sulfurous air carries the sound of a recorder very well.
3. Abbott and Costello Meet a Kitten
This one came about towards the end of Abbott and Costello’s careers. It still is awesome due to what the director(s) had the cats and kittens do. Using 14 volts and a large square of chicken wire the director was able to make the cats act surprised or even get downright mean. I’m sure you have all seen the angry black cat during Halloween , well, heed it’s warning it will fire your ass up. I don’t want to ruin the ending, but, let me say the kitten is cute and cuddly but will truly fuck you up.
2. Abbott and Costello Exchange Personas
This movie was the “Trading Places” of the 1950’s. The thing with the film is that Jerry Mathers does not play a believable ghost and his banter with Tony Dow seems forced.
1. Abbott and Costello Meet a Fellow Wrapped in Bandages and Cloth
This film was the precursor to Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy, the entire thing was put on hold after 143 cameramen died trying to descend into the tomb of King Tut and get a good shot of a living-dead character. Well, they did not die in vain, they died the way they lived… filthy.
What are you talking about? Many skits on the “Colgate Comedy Hour” and other variety shows were performed by the boys and had some aspects of these plots but none were theater quality since they are mostly kinescopes and never intended as film releases. These “films” you are listing have never existed. Is this meant as a joke because I do not get it.